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Monday, June 13, 2011

Master Donghai Wang's Guide to Self Defense Online! (¡Parte dos!)

If you are lucky then the troll that you have been pitted against will be one of such lower skill than that of his comrades. If this were the case (I.e. a troll who uses a lot of copypasta and lots of "LOLUMAD" usage) then all one must do is simply troll backwards to him. 

How to troll a troll:

Newfags - These are by far the easiest to troll, all you have to do is mention their status as "new" or "noob" and they will rage harder than a political correctness officer at the holocaust. There really isn't much to it with this kinds of opponent. Just remember whenever they say something, reply with lots of "umadbro?" and "Noob, get out of here no one loves you, your own mom hates you and your ugly face." and lulz will ensue.

The Youtubefag - Basically this kind of person is lower then a Newfag (Disclaimer: Order on this list does not indicate importance, just what my tired and inebriated mind has come up with. So don't be hatin') and must be put in their place. When you meet them on the Youtubez, simply tell them how lowly and cowardly they are, and that they should spit shine your metaphorical boots! (To which they will usually reply with, "NO I HATE YOU, USTUPIDCUNTBLAHRG!" Or something like that, just be prepared for massive walls of text in caps lock (CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL KIDS)...

The Oldfag - The force is strong with this one! Be watchful, they may lull you into a sense of calm and friendliness only to be forcefully shown the truth. All I can say to you, my fair readers, is to remember that if you meet an Oldfag on the interwebz, do not turn around and run (Thats what it wants) but instead, be brave, pull up your pants, and be prepared to do the same to them! The key is to make them think that they have baited the proper response, but in fact, you are just trolling themz! They so stoopid, brah! 

The Internetfag - This one applies to anyone you meet on the internet, Don't give them your social security numbers, credit card numbers, addresses, etc. Or they will find you! I hear they are able to backtrace it. Regardless, remember to stay chill, do not get mad, and always reply with witty remarks involving the words "I","am","Inigo","Mantoya","You","Killed","my","Father","Prepare","to","Die." In no particular order.

The 12 year old girl - Is naive, believes everything you say, approval ratings high! But seriously though, They may be annoying, but trolling will be easy. Just agree with what she says, at the end of the conversation (Or towards a point in which it becomes boring later one, simply reply with, "LOLBarbies suck!" You will troll this one quite good.

The 12 year old boy - This kind of troll claims that their moms/parents bought them something new and wonderful and would love to share it with you. But they are having too much fun with it to show you. They will tell you just about anything just so that you think that they are "cool and hip". When dealing with this kind of troll remember to just keep saying, "No matter what you do you wont be cool" (Or some variation of that, degrading their coolness factors).

Finally, I end this post with a quote that will surely inspire you, "Laugh and the world laughs with you; Weep and you weep alone." (I heard this quote from the movie, "Old Boy". It's a very good Korean film, check it out if you get the chance! It is a very good movie!). With my insomnia cured, I will now head to bed! Good morning to all of you chaps on the West Coast! To people inhabiting other coasts, or places for that matter, keep on keeping on!

P.S. I am trying out this Pic/text/pic/text type deal, Comment on your thoughts, just trying to see if it works! :D

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